9-1-2025
The Hidden Cost of Overgiving: Reclaiming Balance and True Connection
In my post yesterday I mentioned overgiving and that I had recently come up against myself doing this and I caught myself but paid the price for not caching myself soon enough. As with all my writings I come from a place of experiencing. And so ... We’ve all done it - - said yes when we meant no, stretched ourselves too thin, and convinced ourselves it was love.
But here’s the truth: overgiving isn’t love. It’s a hidden trap that leaves you feeling drained, resentful, and disconnected from the very people you care about most.
As Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, taught, overgiving often stems from an imbalance in the flow of giving and receiving. When we give too much without allowing ourselves to receive, we unconsciously set the stage for resentment.
The good news? Breaking free from overgiving doesn’t mean giving less - -it means giving differently. It means giving from a place of alignment, balance, and mutual respect. Why Overgiving Happens
Overgiving isn’t random; it’s a learned behavior deeply connected to our past experiences, family dynamics, and beliefs.
Hidden Loyalties:
Many of us learned early that love means sacrifice. Perhaps you witnessed a parent constantly putting others first or felt the need to overextend yourself to earn approval. These hidden loyalties drive the pattern of overgiving.
The Illusion of Control: Overgiving can also be an attempt to control outcomes, keep relationships intact, or avoid conflict. But when you give to control, it’s not love - -it’s fear disguised as generosity. A Fear of Receiving: Accepting help, appreciation, or care can feel uncomfortable for overgivers. This discomfort often stems from self-worth struggles or the belief that receiving makes you weak.
The Cost of Overgiving:
While overgiving may feel noble, it comes at a high price:Resentment: When you give beyond your capacity, resentment is inevitable. You may feel unappreciated, but the truth is, that overgiving often creates imbalance in relationships, leaving others feeling overwhelmed or even guilty.
Emotional and Physical Exhaustion:
Overgiving depletes your energy, making it harder to show up for yourself and others.
Disconnection:
Ironically, overgiving often creates distance rather than connection. When you give out of obligation or fear, it’s hard to truly connect with those around you. How to Break Free from OvergivingBreaking the cycle of overgiving doesn’t mean you stop caring or helping. It means transforming the way you give - - rooting your generosity in balance, self-awareness, and true connection.
Here’s how:
Pause Before Saying Yes:
When asked for your time or energy, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself: Am I giving from love or obligation? Do I have the capacity to give without resentment?
Honoring your truth creates healthier, more sustainable relationships.
Allow Yourself to Receive:
Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. Practice allowing others to give to you - - whether it’s accepting help, compliments, or care. This isn’t weakness; it’s balance. Release the Need to Fix.
Hellinger taught that overgiving often stems from the belief that we can fix or save others. But true support comes from standing beside someone, not carrying their burden for them. Trust that others are capable of their own growth.
Set Boundaries with Compassion:
Boundaries aren’t barriers; they’re bridges to healthier connections. Communicate your limits with kindness:“I’d love to help, but I can’t right now.”“I need to focus on myself today, but I’m here to support you in other ways.”Connect with Your Inner Guidance".
Your intuition knows when it’s time to give and when it’s time to step back. By tuning into this inner wisdom, you can navigate relationships with clarity and alignment.Heal the Root of Overgiving.
Overgiving is often tied to unresolved wounds from the past. Exploring these patterns through tools like Family Constellations can help you release hidden loyalties and embrace a healthier way of relating.
Giving Differently: A New Kind of LoveBreaking free from overgiving doesn’t mean giving less - - it means giving differently. It means showing up for others while also showing up for yourself. It means trusting that love flows both ways. When you embrace this balance, something beautiful happens. You begin to give from a place of abundance rather than depletion. Your relationships become more connected, more respectful, and more fulfilling.
Are you ready to let go of overgiving and step into a new way of living and loving? Transformation begins when you choose to give yourself the same care and compassion you so freely offer to others. And so ... please share with me how you are showing up for yourself today.
Believe Breathe Transform.
Collitalks.
Love and soul hugs
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